i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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