cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize