I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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