Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize