Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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