I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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