There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize