they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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