Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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