I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize