we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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