I'm lost and stupid without you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
where are my eyebrows?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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