If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize