I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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