that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
