my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
