"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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