Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
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That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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