Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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