so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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