im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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