During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize