either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's never too late to be topless.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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