I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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