Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize