Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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