True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize