Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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