Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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