His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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