Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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