some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize