my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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