I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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