her vagine was all disorganized.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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