At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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