Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
