I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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