some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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