4 words: hood of his car
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Semen is not good for contacts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
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Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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