I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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two words...techno handjob
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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