Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize