My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize