I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize