Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She bit a glass in half.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize