I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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