That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize