based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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