my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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