My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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