We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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