legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize