at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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